I don't know if anyone else caught this in this month's issue of that sad NYC-centric rag, "Paper". I'm still finding it hard to believe this actually exists. Peaches, have you ever heard of this? It sounds like another potential "Apple".

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"The Phynx is even wilder and weirder. This 1970 rock-comedy-spy spoof was so bad that Warner Brothers, who made the film, abandoned it. Once again, eBay came through for me, and when I finally watched the film my jaw became unhinged. It was directed by Lee H. Katzen, who, besides directing 'Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice?', was mostly known for his work on TV shows like 'The Mod Squad', 'Miami Vice' and 'Walker, Texas Ranger'.

'The Phynx' is about a dastardly dictator in Albania who has kidnapped several American celebrities. Secret agents (who enter the headquarters through a hidden door behind a bathroom stall in the men's room at the International House of Pancakes) consult the top computer, which is called MOTHA and is shaped like a woman - I kid you not. MOTHA suggests they create a four-member rock band called the Phynx. The computer indicates that the band will become so popular that they will be asked to play Albania - where they can then free the stars. So the government agents kidnap a college boy, an American Indian, a weightlifter and an African-American and whisk them away to a remote army base in the desert. They are trained by Master Sergeant Clint Walker, Harold 'Odd Job' Sakata, Richard Pryor (who teaches them soul) and Trini Lopez, and given the final thumbs-up by Dick Clark.

After a successful gig on The Ed Sullivan Show, their record takes off. President Nixon signs a proclamation to change Thanksgiving into Phynxgiving. The U.S. mint issues three-dollar bills with the band members' faces on them. And James Brown awards the band a gold record. They finally make it to Albania and, in another loopy segment, all the kidnapped celebrities appear from behind a curtain - Pat O'Brien, Colonel Sanders, Tarzan (Johnny Weissmuller) and Jane (Maureen O'Sullivan), Dorothy Lamour, Xavier Cugart, ventriloquist Edgar Bergen and his puppet Charlie McCarthy, Bugsby Berkeley, Ruby Keeler, George Jessel, Andy Devine, Guy Lombardo, Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall, Butterfly McQueen, Marilyn Maxwell, Cass Daley (mugging helplessly for the camera), Rudy Vallee, boxer Joe Louis, even the Lone Ranger (John Hart) and Tonto (Jay Silverheels). I mean, this would be fine for a solute on an Academy Awards show but in a counterculture rock movie? Why not mix Geritol with your LSD? Eventually the rock band sneaks the stars out hidden in wagons of radishes (the national flower of Albania)! Oh, did I forget to mention some of the others who pop up in the movie - like Martha Raye, Rona Barrett and Ultra Violet? As for the songs the awful group sings - "What's Your Sign?" and "Nearly Blew My Mind" - they were written by the famous team of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, but you'd be better off jamming pencils in your eardrums. Don't get me wrong: 'The Phynx' stinks, but the movie is so retarded it deserves to be rediscovered just so it can be destroyed." -- Dennis Dermody



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